For most of my 30s, I have found myself in Mexico for my birthday. When I turned 35, my family and I were supposed to celebrate in Tulum but CDC regulations at the time rerouted our plans and that experience never happened. But this year, one filled with the symbolism of 9s - cycles closing, and transformation knocking at my door, I knew it was time.
A temazcal is a traditional sweat lodge ceremony used by Indigenous cultures for purification, renewal, and connection to the elements. It is often called “the womb of the earth,” a place where the body, mind, and spirit undergo deep cleansing. The ceremony is guided by a "temazcalero" aka a shaman who leads participants through rounds of heat, steam, and prayer, each phase symbolizing death, rebirth, and transformation. Heated volcanic stones are placed in the center of the lodge and with each pour of herbal-infused water, the space becomes hotter, denser, pushing you further into yourself.
I thought I was prepared. I’m no stranger to saunas and I've survived some pretty intense healing modalities in my day. My biggest concern going in was the tight space but once inside, claustrophobia was the least of my worries. I was in for something else entirely.
The smoke was overwhelmingly thick and suffocating. Every inhale felt like my lungs were being coated in fire. I couldn’t catch my breath. Speaking, singing, even chanting with the group felt impossible. So, I sat there. Silent. Surrendering. Focusing on nasal breathing, humming to the rhythm of the songs, tapping my heart to the beat of the drum to stay present. It was such a psychedelic experience without the drugs. Time distorted. My mind stretched between past and present, between this realm and something deeper.
I curled up. I cried. And I let it all the fuck go.
Somewhere in the heat, in the darkness, in the disassociation, I found myself feeling my mother. The weight of what she carries, the energy I’ve unknowingly held for her. It was as if I wasn’t just warding off dis-ease from my being but I was manifesting healing for her too.
Since stepping out of that lodge, I have been shedding. My body has been purging and releasing in ways I didn't expect, unearthing things I no longer want nor need to be holding. The process didn't end when I left; it only deepened. The temazcal didn’t just detox my physical self but it cracked something open. I feel...different. I have been grieving, releasing, softening, transforming. And I know now that I am exactly where I need to be.
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